Brought to you by the bed at Hyatt Regency plus four pillows, maybe five.
It was Friday night and Friday day wore me out. No, it was more than Friday day. It was the week before, a big event week. It was not taking a day off after a big event week. It was executive meetings and 1:1’s and ‘make sure everything is set and ready to go’ type things.
I was tired.
And I got to Friday night and felt as if I was driving in circles. I mean, I did go in a circle but I’m sort of talking about the mental ones. The emotional ones. The ones that you don’t want anyone to see. I sat in the car, near tears but not quiet there and dialed Hyatt’s reservation line. I keep them in my contacts for just these occasions.
“Do you have a room? A really quiet room I could check into, like, ummm..now?”
Room 419 (Don’t bother stopping by. I checked out.) was perfect. And the bed looked amazing and the pillows were plentiful and not only plentiful but gushy. You know, the type that fold up under your head and then around your body and the more you stack them around you the safer you start to feel?
I ordered room service, “Please just send up a plate of fries with ketchup as quickly as you can.” We’re not looking for gourmet here, folks. This is comfort and rest and things verging on Southern.
I ate the fries. I put on the television shaking my head at all the imagery so foreign to me since I don’t have television at home and the rowdiest thing crossing my brain is usually The Godfather II. I tucked myself into the bed and under the covers and pushed all those pillows back around me.
And fell asleep.
And when the morning came, it suddenly dawned (though it was 11am) on me that all I needed was a really good rest. I write about things like that in Pre Middle Age: Forty Lessons in Growing the Hell Up. There’s a whole chapter on naps and another one on blankets. I get it. Sometimes I forget though.
I’ve been feeling rather overwhelmed with giving lately and not receiving. It feels unbalanced. Thinking back to my mom who first placed in giving, I sat up in bed and realized she did that well but she didn’t take care of herself. That’s where things were off. Was everyone else cared for? Sure. But did she ever sneak off to a hotel in the middle of nowhere to sleep with a bunch of pillows tucked all around her? Never.
I, we, you need rest. And sometimes we can catch the need before it becomes a need when it’s simply an almost need. Other times, the brain is so far gone in busyness and to do’s and to don’ts that you can’t even think through to what you need. And that is the time when you make a call to a lovely hotel or a super five star one or even put the “closed for business” sign on your bedroom door for 24 solid hours and rest.
You will not succeed at saving the world one scraped knee, one hospital visit, one packed lunch, one ‘pick up the dry cleaning cause I forgot to’ at a time if all you do is give and not get.
Much love to you as you give and occasionally, just occasionally….receive.
Brought to you by the voice screaming in my head Sunday night.
It happened. I think I almost officially went to Crazy Land. I’m not knocking it. I think most creatives dip their toe in that pool once in awhile. If the water isn’t cold and I ease in, I’m good for a visit.
It didn’t happen that way last night. I was driving back to set up for another event. A fun event. An event that was relaxing and calming and should have been a breeze to organize. All of a sudden, driving over the hill I heard a scream inside my head. It’s simply been too much of late. Too much media. Too much time checking Huffington Post, Facebook, CNN, Twitter and more. Too much time trying to find ‘pretty’ sites to visit about things like fashion and design to rest my brain rather than going offline and, uh, resting.
My brain is hyper-active. I long for the days when it was sluggish. *DeepOld-FashionedBlackAndWhiteTelevisionSigh*
So, for now, I’m making some small changes. Mini changes. Changes of the small and not the big kind:
1. I started buying books again. I’m not talking about digital versions but real live paper books that get soaked and swollen in the bathtub. Those kind. I’m reading one book a week, focusing on memoir for now since that’s where my passion rests.
2. I’ve restructured my time. No more watching Netflix as a means of falling safely to sleep. Old episodes of The City can really screw a girl up.
3. I removed all interactive apps from my phone. Well, except for the pizza delivery one. I mean, let’s not get out of control here. FB and Twitter and Netflix are no more.
Might that change tomorrow? It could. I’m a woman and therefore inherently fickle. For now, for today life is just a bit quieter.
Have to go. Going to walk outside and star watch. And I don’t mean the magazine kind.
Much love to you as you rest and quiet the loud places,