Posts tagged dating

Pre Middle Age Love

I’m not sure if it is love leaning against a shiny new 1960’s mustang with horn-rimmed glasses and a man that adores you.

Perhaps it’s the stoic sort of love that takes sunglasses and shades not the sun but the looks staring at a tear-stained face.

Or a door that either lets someone in or lets someone walk out.

But I love love.  I love the messiness of it. I love the childlike excitement of it.  I love the 1960ness of it.  I love the grit of it in a strong woman that wants to be weak and a weak man that wants to be strong. 

I love love.  I love what it smells like in the morning and in the afternoon when it waits upon a call or a visit or a letter.  And then evening love that comes with a moon and maybe some stars and the promise of kisses and whispers and tomorrows and todays and maybe much laters.

I love love. I love how it begins and I love how it ends and that it can take my very breath away with a glance or a thought or a sound or a memory.

In these years, these in between years.  These years of not being young and not being old I take love and hold it tight and say yes to it and not no to it and am awed that it still chases after me and dares me

to…

Valentines Day 2011

Lessons in Details and Gratitude

Brought to you by a McDonald’s large, not medium, Diet Coke.

It’s Friday and the end of a very, ultra busy event week.  I have sore everything and things are throbbing that shouldn’t throb.  On top of that, on a morning where I should bask in the glory of my amazingness, which is what I do the mornings after events, I had a press conference to stage.

*cursing under my breath and out of my bed which I did not want to get out of*

It’s post press conference.  I park underground, come inside my apartment, kick off my heels and instantly feel grateful.  I mean grateful in the hugest way someone can feel grateful.  Grateful like empire state building or egyptian pyramid big grateful.  That grateful.  But it’s for the little things.  The detail things.

Here’s a couple I thought I’d share.

Feet free from four inch heels.  Large diet cokes when you normally get medium diet cokes - especially hot days with air conditionless cars.  Service managers that say, “I know others don’t see but I see you - you have your eye on everything, Cole.  I see.”  Sunglasses that shade harsh sun and brief frustrations.  Showing grace when I only want to show ‘strangle’.  Home air conditioning set low and then lower again.  Mixing up all The Godfather movies to make my own synopsis.  Assistants that finish my sentences and understand my different head nods.  Men that remember.  Summers.  Being called a sexy, smart damsel in distress.  Working until my team stops working. Necklaces that turn into bracelets that turn into sometime belts. Tears that last three minutes instead of three days.  Sweaters.  Messy beachy hair.  Almost biting my nail but then not because things really are okay.  Little boys with summer tans that scrunch their noses when they answer you.  Girls that proclaim their favorite color is pink until their favorite color is green.  Oh, and nicknames.  I love a good nickname.

I like details.  I love the little things.  I’m enjoying this summer, this Can’t Decide If I’m Going To Be Hot Or Cold Summer.  It’s fickle.  I understand it.  It’s sort of like a woman that way.  I get that.

Much love to you as you pay attention to the little details of your very big every days,
Cole

Lessons in Wills

Cole’s 38 Mitzvah Project: Turned 40!

Brought to you by….you and your brilliant levels of generosity.


The Project continues through the weekend.  Here’s the link if you want to read more and participate Cole’s 38 Mitzvah Project


Here’s what you had to say:

1. Took an extra day for a coworker that had to leave early.
2. Paid for a slurpee the kid behind me in line was going to buy.
3. I paid for the guy behind me at the drive thru at McDonald’s the other day.  (don’t judge it’s my once a week brekky treat)  Brekky being Aussie…we went international, baby!
4. Donated a car.
5. Head of security for a company that is generally mean decided to be nice for one day.  Only one.
6. I forgave a friend who said really hurtful things to me when intoxicated one night.
7. I’m making a meal for my friend who just had a baby.
8. I’m bringing soup and movies to my friend who is bedridden after surgery.
9. I’m making several meals-to-freeze for a friend who is having a baby tomorrow, as well as going over there to do chores next weekend.
10. I’m helping out a teacher friend who is switching classrooms - so much stuff to move in a short amount of time.
11. I bought groceries for a family in need.
12. Making dinner for my sisters family tonight.
13. Helped a lost little boy.
14. Bought a special set of cookie cutters that a family really wanted but couldn’t afford and shipped to them.
15. Purchased a significant item for someone to start their business.
16. Let Cole go without a ticket since it was her birthday: Newport Beach Police Department.  (My new favorite police department…this week anyway)
17. I decided some money I had set aside was better spent on someone else’s need.  So I decided to help that person.
18. I did something for someone unto you (and Jesus) today..and think the dude was blown away.  Thanks for the idea!
19. I gifted in honor of you today.
20. Handing out lottery tickets randomly today. Happy birthday weekend to @PreMiddleAge for suggesting random acts of kindness. :)
21. Let someone cut in line after waiting 30 minutes which meant I would wait another 30 minutes.
22. Bought breakfast for someone and didn’t wait for a thank you.
23. My mitzvah in your honor - I donated $5 in your name to Skip1.org. I skipped a latte for you and donated that money to help underprivileged children in a 3rd world country.
24. Happy Birthday!!! I did cover a coffee for an older gent behind me today at Bucks.  May your evening be wonder-filled and janky-free.
25. Happy Birthday Cousin! Bought the men at the hockey game water in your honor. They’re grown ups now so they don’t have their mommies reminding them to bring their water bottles. Hope you have had a great day!
26. We brought cookies to a friend who is home on maternity bedrest.
27. I gave money anonymously to a guy who lost his home in a flood here in Texas last week.
28. I bought my sister a refrigerator.
29. I give Gatorade to homeless people.
30. I gave money to a kid going overseas as a missionary.
31. I donated to a charity bike ride by driving my truck doing SAG support for a bike ride instead of participating in order to give back to the cycling community that I have enjoyed.
32. I volunteered at a Women’s triathlon (which I admittedly considered a form of speed-dating). (27-32 all being the same gent.  sexy, huh?)
33. Tonight at (a) restaurant I paid for everyone’s dinner in honor of your 38 Mitzvahs.
34. A tired mom at target forgot to pay for the wipes in the bottom of her cart.  I added them to my order.  She hugged me saying, “No one is kind!”  That is both the sweetest and saddest thing to hear someone say.
35. Bought lunch for three women that, for various reasons, couldn’t be with their dads on Father’s Day.
36. Bought a Sprinkles cupcake for a lady in line who was about to meltdown from the wait.  She proceeded to tell me how she helps “The Mexicans”, not realizing “A Mexican” bought her an effin cupcake.
37. Someone liked my necklace and I told them to stop by my house and pick up the other one I bought.  Someone else liked it, too, so we went to the store and bought another one. 
38. Gave a grip of drinks to a family sitting at the beach that didn’t have any. 
39. Gave a gift card to a woman that couldn’t stand me.
40. I forgave my ex-husband for being himself. This was a real milestone that I have been working on for years. your note reminded me that forgiveness is Not a Feeling, it is a Choice. Thanks Cole.

Beautiful ways you have shown love to people. 

Much love from a very warmed birthday almost forty year old but not quite forty year old heart,
Cole

38 Mitzvahs: Cole’s Birthday Project

Brought to you by the numbers: 1, 16, 37 15/16 and almost forty!

It’s that time. That time when I turn another year closer to middle age but remain pre middle age. There are more wrinkles. More lessons. More bruises. Certainly more age spots. And for those of you that attempt to call them freckles, they aren’t. They are the same ones my Mamma had. Admit it.

I love it all because it means I’ve another year under my belt in being humbled and humiliated and humored. Another year of lessons and love and life. Another year of learning and listening. Another year of setting down stones instead of throwing them.

Growing up sucks sometimes but if it means when I’m 83 I’ll finally be nice and graceful and kind and perhaps a bit wise, well, then, what the hell…I’m in.

THE PROJECT.
Rather than getting presents, I’m requesting and challenging you to perform ONE MITZVAH, one act of kindness, by June 16 in honor of my birthday. My goal is for 38 acts of kindness to be performed. Really, I’m hoping for many more but I like themes. (I’m an event planner.)

Some things people did last year for our project:
Bought a homeless woman breakfast. Put an extra special snack in their kids lunch. Babysat for a couple so they could go out. Gave money to a charity. Bought coffee at Starbucks for strangers. Paid an elderly couples dinner tab anonymously. Forgave. Asked forgiveness.

Join me? Forward this link to your friends? Giving everyday is beautiful but if you’d give for my birthday that would really bless me and bless someone else and probably bless you, too.  Share and we’ll post what happens from Twitter, My Blog and Facebook.

Much love from an almost forty year old
(37 15/16 sounds so much better),
Cole

Lessons in Towing and Orgasms

Brought to you by Abdul who also had his car (Range Rover his father bought him) towed.

First of all, never tweet @SvenJohnston and let him know you hope to have more car stories for him soon.  I consider this partially his fault.

Well, and then The Boy gets blame for some of it, too.  I parked the Prius and came inside to change for the evening.  Was planning to go shopping and maybe see a movie or something.  I went into the bedroom and The Boy was on my mind.  I did it.  You know.  It.  Twice.  And really well.  I mean not as well as, well, with..you know, but, good enough to make me lay down for a moment exhausted and not realize that my freaking Prius was outside being towed….

…Mid-Orgasm.

There is something so completely wrong about that.  And so right. Tonight’s orgasm cost me $265.00.  Well $265.00 if I can pick it up by 11:59pm. 

Some lessons learned.

1. Yelling in the space where towed car once was will not make it suddenly appear.  Neither will scowling.
2. Today’s  event finds in Abbot Kinney make up for tonight.   Think on the good things.  Sometimes there’s only a few.  Sometimes only one.  Sometimes only a half.    
3. If you are a person that tends to have car traumas then create an emergency kit.  Include in it: Diet Coke, BBQ Chips, mandm’s and one person that will come get your ass in under 10 minutes.
4. Towing of cars is not really a disaster.  Disasters are disasters. 
5. Be kind to the guy who has your car on lockdown.  He gets treated really poorly all the time.  Try to bring out the soft spots in his heart.  Or, just make sure your car gets back to the ‘free’ side of the gate before you threaten him bodily harm.  I, for one, was very sweet even when he had to pry the debit card from my death grip.
6. For God’s sake, keep your phone charged.  There are pictures to take of these moments.
7. When the opportunity arises, practice your Arabic.  I mean, don’t ignore people.  The UAE Boys were waiting there in pain with me.  And I don’t know if their tow was a result of orgasms or not but in either case, just get to know people.  I used the little Arabic I have and they used their sweet English and we made the most of our waiting.
8. Whatever you do, don’t park your car in the Tow and Mo lot. They will even tow you there. Right over the damn fence. Brutal. 
9. Count the stars.  I walked outside to wait my turn for my car.  All of a sudden I heard crickets.  Beautiful almost summer crickets.  And looking up there was a star but not just one, twenty and probably many more if I kept looking and counting.  So many things to see if you get outside your head.  I decided not to focus on what I was losing (money, time, an evening out) but what the night let me gain and it was beautiful.  Really beautiful.
10. Oh, and I guess park underground just in case you’re feeling randy. But how do you know til you know. (Geez.)

A very starry, almost summer, cricket-filled love,
Cole

Lessons in Road Trips

I learned a couple things along the way. Well, you knew that, didn’t you? *smile*

1. The guy behind the counter has big dreams.
My car is janky, that has been made clear by now and the need for me to rent something less-janky was apparent. I went to Enterprise and ended up with a sweet ride at a sweet deal. More importantly, Enterprise Guy Behind The Counter Reading Kurt Vonnegut surprised me. Not only was he kind, major Enterprise Shocker but he spilled his guts, “This isn’t what I want to be doing.”

How many can echo that statement?

He’s a writer and he doesn’t know what to do and it sounds like no one believes in him. Well, I do. And I did. And I gave him some very good tips wrapped in a very good cheer and went on my way. He walked back behind the counter in his black suit with an extra creative skip in his step.

2. Stop for blueberries.
When you see a sign that says, “Blueberries Ahead ¾ of a mile” you stop. You do. And stop for other such things. Make hard rights instead of staying on the path and on your itinerary. If blueberries present themselves, well, then blueberries shall be.

3. Ask your expert advisor.
I have finally learned to rely on my expert advisors especially when it comes to bakeries. They know things, those bakery girls. Ask them what people order the most and get that. Don’t get the other thing. And definitely don’t get the thing you ALWAYS order. That’s the last thing you want to do on a road trip. Blah.

Oh, and buy sweet orange marmalade with pretty pink labels because it would be a crime not to. (I love pink bakery boxes with tape on the side and the ones tied with string make me want to swoon.)

4. A mess is okay.
Yesterday I played Natalie Merchant most of the day while driving and although I adore her if I heard, “If no one ever marries me” one more time I was going to drive my car into The Pacific and keep my seatbelt on. I switched things up to Sheryl Crow today and she had a nice, really multicultural mix going on and that set well with my soul. And one song, whether you agree with the message or not, had a great line, “God bless this mess.”

God bless this mess. That’s me. That’s my life right about now. It’s a little messy. I’m a bit out of sorts. That’s what all the driving is about and needing to move and think and sing and write and put things into compartments when they are floating around loosely in my head. I don’t like things floating around loosely in my head. It hurts.

I pulled over on the side of the road and messaged a new sweet friend who made the comment, “It’s okay” after discussing some of her very not okay things. Sometimes it’s not okay and sometimes it’s a mess and that is okay and a mess is okay and trying to make it not a mess makes it even messier.

For now, I’m going to rest in the mess of it all.

5. Find pockets of prettiness.
They are out there and they are so close to you and you don’t even know it. Mere miles away and I finally made it to Abbot Kinney in downtown Venice. I always thought Venice was full of naked jugglers on the beach and so I wasn’t in much of a rush to visit. There’s more to it. Yup. Pockets of prettiness are all over the place if you take the time to search them out and get outside of your routine.

I finally found somewhere to park and was immersed in gorgeous shops, great food trucks just parked along the street and the kindest shop owners that didn’t treat me like I was an Orange County Jackass. I like that.

Oh, if you go, make sure you wear some shade of blah. Much easier to fit in if fitting in is what you want to do. (It’s my new favorite place. Shh.)

A couple more things for the road.

1. That girl you saw in the Oliver Peoples in a gray tshirt and striped sweater rolling down her window and talking, well, yelling, to the ocean? That wasn’t me.

2. Found a shop that treats you well and is kind to you when you walk in the door? Frequent it. I found one that had all these imports from Paris and every corner turned there were more pieces and parts and pretty things to see and touch and explore and sometimes I forget that there is that much pretty out there. There is.

3. The woman behind the ticket counter at the Santa Barbara Museum of Art asked if I needed a student admission. I think everyone should go there all the time. Forever.

4. There are a lot of crazies in Santa Barbara. I fit right in.

5. There are a couple more crazies in Venice but less so, I’d say it’s more about The Pot. Everyone’s rather, ehem, happy and relaxed and really take their time crossing the street.

6. If you drive to Solvang and remember it looks just like it did 15 years ago, make a u-turn.

7. Dosas (Indian crepes) are good. So are cupcakes off trucks. So are baked goods on State St. Before I came home, I bought a new scale. No, really I did.

I have to turn the rental car back in today.  I have to turn the weekend back in today also.  It’s back to normal playlists and office meetings and corporate attire with “no embellishments” and certainly “no colored jewelry” and things of that sort.

I’ll wait for another weekend and perhaps go on another adventure and head in another direction and even if the arrow points in one direction I might go another.  It all depends where the blueberries are planted.

Much love this Messy Monday,
Cole

The Twang Invasion

Brought to you by The South.

If you walk by my apartment anytime in the next four to five days, expect to hear yelling and arguments and probably some screaming and the way you’ll know you are at the right place?  The Twang.

See, it takes over all of us at some point during the weekend.  Some of us are from the south and some of us have daddies from the south.  Not “daddies”.  Daddies.  Dirty Bird, You.

Just prepping for this trip, I can feel the twang starting to form in my throat.  So, yes, expect y’alls and things of that sort.

And so you don’t feel left out, I’ll let you know who’ll be in town.


Miss Larkin.  The ringleader.  Itinerary driven.  Claims to be breezy but…well, isn’t.  Always has to fly here because none of us are sure where Arkansas is.



Ally “Red”.  Lives in Canada.  Is the only woman we know that will rock a bikini on a public street without covering her ass.  Has two adorable boys.  One she kisses sweet and one she kisses very bad.



Miss Aimee. Our newest hot momma.This was Aimee last time we were all together.  Baby Gavin is now viewing Orange County from the outside with his gorgeous momma and dad.  Aimee is the calm to our storm.



Stacia Rae.  Stacia has over 1,000 pictures to choose from but I think this defines her.  Sassy but sweet at the same time.  She should have a tip jar in front of her everywhere she goes.  Terribly entertaining.



D “Sissy”.  Our outings tend to be costly to Davina.  Running out of gas and getting towed and all things Car Trauma.  We are crossing all available parts for good car results this time. 


Miss Blue.  Guest appearances by Chris this weekend as time permits.  (See five children.  Further comments needed?  I think not.)





And me.  You have enough pictures of me.  Don’t think I won’t take a million more this weekend, y’all.

Much love,
Cole

Lessons in Shorts: Short Films, Short Stories and Brief Bursts of Loneliness

Brought to you by all things brief.

You should have seen me. I was sitting there, at The Getty, in a corner of this gorgeous patio area tucked as far back as I could tuck, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It wasn’t the way I imagined things. Nope.

You might think I have this adventuring alone thing all figured out. I don’t. Most of the time, I enjoy it tremendously. Most of the time. Saturday, I didn’t at all.

Nope, again.

The nice thing about loneliness is it is short. It’s a feeling and it goes away. And I have an option to sit in it all moping and lost in my PB&J or break free from it by talking to someone at the next table or watching people or just breathing and enjoying the loveliest view.

I didn’t.  I almost had the welling-of-the-tears in my eyes. But my loneliness was short lived. Sitting there with that sandwich The Boyfriend texted, “Miss you.” I sighed that huge heavy sigh when you feel the heart full of being wanted and missed and replied, “I needed that. Feeling a bit lonely. Not so brave today. Miss you.”

Wrapping up my sandwich and finishing my soda and watching all the pairs of people, I picked up my bag and headed into The East Pavilion.

da Vinci helps.  So does Degas.  So does a text telling you you’re missed.  That is the best form of art. 

I suppose it was a bit of a theme this week.  Shorts and all.  Short bursts of loneliness and short films at Newport Beach Film Festival and Selected Shorts at The Getty.  I’m liking the briefness of it all. 

Some Short Lessons

Know Your Audience
You know that leftover sinus cough that takes seven years to go away? It should be named after me. If you’re going to cough during a film festival screening, make sure your cough sounds ultra educated and cultured. If there’s any trucker-side-of-the-roadness to it, they will kick your ass.

Partner in Grief
A Shine of Rainbows has so many beautiful, sweet lessons but my heart was tugged by grief and how it shortens when you allow others to experience it with you.

You Can Leave
Yes, you can. If you don’t like a movie, you can quietly leave. Perhaps during a film screening it’s not the best time but if you’re at the theatre and see something that doesn’t impress you, then simply walk out gracefully. Don’t waste another minute in a moment that does not feed your brain or your heart or your innards. Especially your innards.

Hellos Help
I was Friend Dumped twice this weekend. Drinks Friday night and a little outing Saturday. Looking back, it was exactly as it should be and allowed me to experience the painful quiet of not engaging with people. In the middle of Friday night tears, it hit me how many footsteps walk past a homeless man every single day without even a head nod in his direction. That pains me in deep ways. How long must his day be without the engagement of even a stranger.

Fit People In
The Getty did a program of Selected Shorts and one of the stories was, “Things We Knew When the House Caught Fire” by David Drury, read by Keith Szarabajka. Drury’s short delves into a family that completely doesn’t fit into a neighborhood and the neighborhood’s attempt to get them out.

We will spend our lives trying to be in and accepted and chosen and picked and on THAT team. How much easier to fit people in ahead of time and not make them do cartwheels to be our friends or fit in our neighborhoods or be part of our group. It’s a quick decision to embrace rather than disgrace people.

My days don’t always turn out the way I plan them but they turn out so much better and I’m committed at this ripe old Pre Middle Age to listen and learn and, most importantly, love.

A good night to you but just a short one.  It’s late. 
Cole