Posts tagged birthday
Lessons in Names
Brought to you by The Cheesecake Factory.
Her name is Arden. Did you know that? And did you know she has a really cool job and the dress she wore yesterday was this beautiful fitted black thing, the kind you wear when you want to act like you don’t want people to look at you but you really want them to look at you.
I didn’t know any of that.
Her name is Arden. And for all intents and purposes, she hated me. Every encounter we had at one of my events was negative. I was always asking her to leave the jacuzzi since we still had to tear down an event or take her alcohol outside because our caterer does not permit outside alcohol. She used to just roll her eyes and walk away and then, one day, recently she stared at me with what could only be described as hatred. I looked at her and said, “You really don’t like me, do you?” It’s a rare thing for a person not to like me.
Annoyed? Sure. Exhausted? Of course. Needing a break or vacation from All Things Cole? Definitely. But not like? That stings in ways that get to the heart. I’m someone people like. I’m a person to know. Not in a fancy papparazi block my eyes from the cameras way but in a knowing way.
My birthday came around and the whole Cole’s 38 Mitzvah Project thing started and Arden stayed on my mind. Truthfully, I couldn’t get her off my mind during this whole project. I’m not okay with people being at odds with me, especially when my hearts intent, it’s song is to love on people. I kept trying to think of a way to talk to her but didn’t know how or what to do.
It happened. As naturally as if it was ordained. I was sitting in my office and looking at a gift card my family gave me and Arden walked by which she never does. I asked her to come into my office. The first thing I did was:
1. Ask her name. How many people do we interact with and don’t even take the time to know them by name?
2. Apologized for not knowing her name and for not getting to know her. She only knew me as the “rules” woman and not the woman.
3. Told her a little about me. Engagement goes two ways. If you want someone to let you in, you’ve got to let them in, too.
4. Ask forgiveness. For being all about work and not about people. For not doing this sooner.
5. Gave. I gave her the gift card and asked her to please have lunch on me.
This sweet girl who had so much anger towards me…melted. Literally melted. Her shoulders dropped. Her countenance shifted. Her voice went from aggressive to soft and sweet. She realized I was human and she realized I knew she was one, too.
There are a million reasons why our first reaction is anger or hurt or aggression and it takes time to sort through that, sure. But when, if, you have the chance to push through to the side of love, I challenge you to do it. You might get eye rolls or the silent treatment. Or you might find an Arden with a soft, soft heart waiting for someone to find it.
Much love to you this early Summer day,
Cole
38 Mitzvahs: Cole’s Birthday Project
It’s that time. That time when I turn another year closer to middle age but remain pre middle age. There are more wrinkles. More lessons. More bruises. Certainly more age spots. And for those of you that attempt to call them freckles, they aren’t. They are the same ones my Mamma had. Admit it.
I love it all because it means I’ve another year under my belt in being humbled and humiliated and humored. Another year of lessons and love and life. Another year of learning and listening. Another year of setting down stones instead of throwing them.
Growing up sucks sometimes but if it means when I’m 83 I’ll finally be nice and graceful and kind and perhaps a bit wise, well, then, what the hell…I’m in.
THE PROJECT.
Rather than getting presents, I’m requesting and challenging you to perform ONE MITZVAH, one act of kindness, by June 16 in honor of my birthday. My goal is for 38 acts of kindness to be performed. Really, I’m hoping for many more but I like themes. (I’m an event planner.)
Some things people did last year for our project:
Bought a homeless woman breakfast. Put an extra special snack in their kids lunch. Babysat for a couple so they could go out. Gave money to a charity. Bought coffee at Starbucks for strangers. Paid an elderly couples dinner tab anonymously. Forgave. Asked forgiveness.
Join me? Forward this link to your friends? Giving everyday is beautiful but if you’d give for my birthday that would really bless me and bless someone else and probably bless you, too. Share and we’ll post what happens from Twitter, My Blog and Facebook.
Much love from an almost forty year old
(37 15/16 sounds so much better),
Cole
